


If Only We Could Walk through Time and Space; I'd see you again

by Rodetta



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: M/M, Mentions of Death, Sad Ending, star crossed lovers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-08-22
Updated: 2015-08-22
Packaged: 2018-04-16 13:20:39
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,547
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4626750
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Rodetta/pseuds/Rodetta
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Post-prisoner of Azkaban. Instead of returning to 12 Grimmauld Place, Sirius tracks down Remus Lupin in his tiny cottage. Remus, ever the hopeful, had already set out a pillow and blanket for the escapee just in case. It's been twelve years since they truly spoke to one another, and yet it doesn't feel nearly as strange as it should.</p>
            </blockquote>





	If Only We Could Walk through Time and Space; I'd see you again

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this on my phone and I thought I might share it, so there are a few typos here and there. Sorry about that! 
> 
> This is just something I wrote one night on my phone notes, as I often do, and I've resigned myself to cleaning them up a little bit and adding them as little drabbles and one shots.

If Only We Could Walk Through Time and 

Space; I'd see you again, grab you and tell you  
how I loved you. 

• • •

"Moony."  
The call was quiet. It was the voice of an exasperated friend; beneath, it was the desperate plea of a desperate man.  
Remus couldn't look him in the eyes, but he stopped. He fiddled with his fingers, thinking over what he wanted to say and what he should say.  
"Moony, I swear to you, I will never-"  
"Don't."  
It was quick and unexpected, causing Sirius to halt as ordered. He shut his mouth slowly, listening to Remus for what could have been the first time of his life. Remus, in exchange, turned to look Sirius in the eye. Their eyes met across a shabby cottage that had been the werewolf's home for years upon years. One had been a prisoner in the world, and the other had been a prisoner of Azkaban. The last time they had been alone together was fresh on both prisoners' mind; the werewolf had barely concealed the gaping hole in his chest from his friend's distrust. He had hidden it so well that at the time it had only made Sirius more suspicious, but now the older version saw in that memory what he hadn't seen before. He saw the bitter smile and the hints at broken friendship. He heard the tense voice and the torn eyes. He saw them now because he was seeing them again. He was seeing hurt in his friend, recognizing it, when he couldn't do it when they were their closest.  
"Please don't," said Remus. "I'm your friend, Sirius. No matter what has transpired between us I am and will be your friend. You think I do not see the- the torture you've put yourself through? You've beaten yourself up enough for the both of us, old friend."  
His voice was sad and defeated. He was hurt that Sirius hurt. He was hurt that Sirius thought he would still hate him. He was hurt that Sirius still didn't know him, even when Remus had already known Sirius. 

Sirius saw it all now. He felt the raw emotions clawing at his throat. He felt the acceptance of Remus comfort him like a thick warm blanket. He felt his heart sink at the memories of the times he should have been there for Remus- and he wasn't.  
"Remus, I'm sorry." He whispered desperately, with shining eyes.  
Remus, as always, knew what he apologized for. He nodded, without words, his acceptance. 

Remus asked him if he needed more blankets. Sirius assured him this was enough, and that he was being spoiled already. Remus had smiled, bittersweet, and told him good night.  
Sirius spent the night staring at the ceiling, knowing his friend was likely doing the same. 

The next few days were icy. There was little warmth in their interactions, their words or their own thoughts. Remus fed Sirius as much as his bare cupboards would allow, and he ordered him to bathe and shave as a normal human being. He took care of Sirius, but it wasn't the same as it would have been in the days of the Marauders. It would have been teasing jokes and pranks and laughs. Now, it was suggestions and supplies appearing for Sirius' use while Remus remained very much secluded in his study.  
One night, Sirius happened upon the study. It was another sleepless night, and so be thought he would read one of Remus' boring books. What he found was the reassurance that he wasn't the only one still grieving.

The pictures weren't hanging bluntly on walls or sitting proudly on his desk. They were instead on the bookshelves and peeking out from boxes in the corner of the room.  
The life of Hogwarts rested in those boxes. News clippings, photos, moving pictures- remnants of their past. The two pictures that Sirius found hidden in books were of James' and Lily's photo shoot with Harry as a babe, as well as a moving picture of the Marauders in their day. Wormtail had, likely very recently, been torn out of the picture. 

Sirius even found news clippings on his desk about Harry. It made him realize that Remus never had moved on. He likely still grieved everyday. It was from the desk that Sirius learned Remus had lost his mother while Pads was away at Azkaban. The photo of her was the only one displayed so proudly out of all of them. 

"She liked you, ya know."  
Remus' voice sounded from the doorway, and Sirius looked up sharply. Remus was smiling sadly. "Even while I was trying to figure out if I hated you or if I just hated what you had done, she asked me if I'd see you again. She was half asleep, promptly forgot half of the things that happened, and when I sat beside her she'd ask where the boys were. I always told her...that they were out making mischief." He laughed lightly, remembering the moment. "Funny how in a way I was right."  
There wasn't any regret in his eyes. There was no bitterness. He just seemed sad.  
Sirius could only laugh emptily, and ask if she'd have cared so much if she knew who really broke her antique lamp.  
It wasn't funny, and it was a poor attempt at lightening the mood. Yet it was the lightness that is so unexpected that it's a beautiful thing to even exist; both men began laughing in puffs of air until they were laughing heartily. 

That might they went through the photos together. They laughed at old hairstyles and reminisced about old events. Whenever wormtail was seen, he was ripped out and burnt. It felt good. It felt good to rid themselves of that part of their pasts. It was the least they could do.

"Sometimes I think, what would have happened, if I had trusted you."

Remus tried to quiet him, but Sorius went on. "You would have protected them. You would have fought for Harry til your last breath. What if, had we all known, Wormtail would have still done it- what would have happened, I wonder?"  
"There's the possibility that you save them, by escaping in the nick of time. I don't see you again for a long time, because for a while you think it was me, maybe. Or maybe you die saving them- and they're all fine. But then I think about why Harry survived in the first place- the love that saved him. I think about how you would have been there, right with Lily, trying to save Harry- and I know you would have had the same fate. But Harry- what if, instead of wounding him, he killed him that very night somehow? How would the world had been different?  
What would have happened if I lost you?"

Remus remained quiet.  
They both did. They drank in silence, and Sirius had nearly regretted announcing his thoughts until Remus finally spoke.

"It makes no difference." He muttered gloomily. "I've wasted many hours- devoted many hours to just those thoughts. This is what I've come to." 

Remus looked up at Sirius, sighing and stirring his drink absently. "What happened that night is what happened. What we need to focus on, is how to keep what is still here safe. We need to focus on fixing what has already been done."

Sirius nodded. Harry was still here in this world. He still needed them- the last of the previous generation. They were still here, and they needed to help him. Harry's fight would be long and suffering. Desolation and regret would need to end until the night the fear and danger was over. 

Likewise, Sirius and Remus would have to leave whatever they had on the shelf with those regrets. Time was a fickle thing. At one point, he had believed he had all the time in the world. At another, he had felt each achingly slowly crawling second of time in a rotting cell. Now, he felt that there was no time- that he could no longer sense time and had no idea how much or little he had. 

Remus was intent on saving his regrets for a day where they had such a luxury as time to wallow in them. If that was to be, then Sirius would follow suit. They were all they had left, and Sirius wouldn't waste any moment they had left together. He would wait, until a moment came where it was alright. Until he felt the tension and distance begin to lessen- with the tight tether between them relaxing its hold until they felt themselves again. 

Sirius had no idea when that would be. Nor did Remus. Both of them thought there would be one, though. As they sat together silently and wondering about their friend's child in a war with such a murderer as Voldemort, they were cocky and thought there would be time.

 

Remus' regrets did not wait until after the war was won. They arrested him violently the night Sirius fell behind the black veil. 

 

There was never a moment, and Remus learned to never waste something so precious as time again in his lifetime.

Not after what he had already lost.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading! Please take a minute or two to tell me if you liked it! It would mean a lot to me! Thanks again! ( ´ ▽ ` )ﾉ


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